Which is better: to go for the unknown, potentially safe, or to stay with the light that has imprinted upon your shadow? I'm not too sure anymore.
Promises no longer have an appeal to me, that is, promises made by others for me. Communication tends to fall through the sands of time as people follow the trail of their own agendas. I cannot put anyone at fault for that, what is destined, is destined. I can, however, feel what the silence keeps nudging my way. My doubts have began to materialize. Hour long phone calls are slowly transforming into random "simplified" texts throughout the day... You know...
"Hey. How are you?"
"You busy?"
"Call me if you're up"
"K."
What do you do when the person your Mother is thrilled about can hardly find time to communicate with you?
What do I do?
After a long week with my students and coworkers, I decided to treat myself last night to the movie Eat Pray Love. It was overall, pretty good. I shed a tear here or there... always safe to do inside a darkened theatre. Having eaten more salty popcorn than I needed to along with my pickle... I had to reflect on what this movie means to me at this point in my life. Otherwise, I was just going to leave the theatre with swollen feet and tear-stained cheeks. Not cute.
Several things:
1. Happiness isn't something you travel the world to, or through someone's arms, in order to receive
2. Love comes through freeing the Self of negative, self-mutilating emotions
3. I bypass eating a lot of carbs through my desire to be vegan
Some years ago I met this Beautiful Man in Egypt (Kemet)... we'll call him Byrd... and it was like a fairy tale... literally. I'm talkin' about midnight walks through desert sand, beneath the star-illuminated sky... with pyramids as the background type of fairy tale. His entire being mezmorized me....... He stood around 5'7" (I'm 5'1" so work with me), deep chocolate/mahogany complexion, locs past his shoulders, eyes that were as intriguing as halos that surround full moons, thick lips, smooth hands, and a smile that said... TALK TO ME- YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE!!!
succulent, right? yes and no.
for those of us who watched one too many disney movies back in the day (ha!)... we all know that each story is supposed to have a happy ending.
Where is my happy ending, you say?
I ran from it.
From him. From the insanely wonderful possibilities that could have been my current reality. What is crazy about it all is that I deserved that type of Love. I conditioned myself to actually believe that I didn't. Well, some years later, at 2:09 a.m. I am blogging about it all.
and then.......................................................He called.
This time I won't be afraid to Love. This time I won't accept him as my happiness. This time I will BE the happiness I seek.
Look out for a book. It's gonna be an extraterrestrial love story. Literally.
Peace.
Light.
Love.
